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Literature Text
This page is a cold bed
(I swear it)
my lips lounge
munched cap
of one...mighty...ink pen
much too wary
to kiss goodnight—
strategically-spirited-
back-and-forth scrutiny
controls the tightrope
of this tire swing essence.
Tattoo coffee rings
cover this angry desk, frequently
do I commit manic flights between
refills, fancy
latte cup, small square handle
making easy to avoid spiteful spills.
By and by, winning visuals
enter these eyes of amber
I have, to stay awake
in
warming this cold bed of a page.
(I swear it)
my lips lounge
munched cap
of one...mighty...ink pen
much too wary
to kiss goodnight—
strategically-spirited-
back-and-forth scrutiny
controls the tightrope
of this tire swing essence.
Tattoo coffee rings
cover this angry desk, frequently
do I commit manic flights between
refills, fancy
latte cup, small square handle
making easy to avoid spiteful spills.
By and by, winning visuals
enter these eyes of amber
I have, to stay awake
in
warming this cold bed of a page.
Suggested Collections
NaPoWriMo 3|30
Originally:
Originally:
This page is a cold bed
(I swear it)—
my lips lounge around the munched cap
of one mighty ink pen;
sleeping alphabet in simplest sense.
Much too wary to call it a night,
strategically-spirited-back-and-forth scrutiny
controls the tightrope of this tire swing essence.
Tattooed coffee rings cover this angry desk, for
frequently do I commit manic flights between
refills with my fancy latte cup, small square handle,
making it too easy to avoid spite-ridden spills.
By and by, winning visuals enter these amber eyes I
(thankfully) display,
muster every ounce of confidence
I have, to stay awake
to partake
in
warming
this cold bed of a page.
Comments20
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Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
I know nothing of cold beds (or pages).
I do know a thing or two about words (maybe only a thing or two).
Down to business.
This page is a cold bed is a nice opening line. It catches the attention and paints a nice picture.
of one mighty ink pen;
Alteration of this line would make it easier to read.
- of one, mighty ... ink pen; is slightly different.
sleeping alphabet in simplest sense. causes a stumble and a bad taste in the mouth (it is my least favorite line in the piece). My mind refuses not to read this line as: "sleeping alphabet in the simplest of senses", which is all wrong.
Tattooed coffee rings cover this angry desk, for
frequently do I commit manic flights between
refills with my fancy latte cup, small square handle,
making it too easy to avoid spite-ridden spills.
This reads as:
- Tattooed coffee rings cover this angry desk. For frequently do I commit manic flights between refills with my fancy latte cup, small handle. Making it too easy to avoid spite-ridden spills.
The whole of this stanza is confusing and hard to follow.
muster every ounce of confidence
As with the mirrored line, this is clumsy.
I like the waterfall words as they add good emphasis.
I enjoyed the piece overall and I thank your mind for letting it slip.