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We started out
driving through a
mellow April,
consuming southern tea,
soaring into the
bright sky.

Our love, jubilant,
luxurious as the
Bugatti Veyron,
beautiful as
unconscious rhythm.
We are the fist inside
held tight around our hearts;
alive.

We end at sunset,
where thoughts begin.
The car sways like a
child's red swing.  Cold stabs
the air, wind stampedes through
my hair, whipping your face,
kissing me as the sun breaks.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:iconiampoetry:

Author's Comments

NaPo 18

I am not satisfied...

Should "stabs" be "pangs" instead?


(I've been using punctuation and such in my last two poems, but don't get too comfy, there is a reason I used it.)

Comments


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:icongetyourgrip:
It seems poets whose own poems they dislike(including myself) are really some of their best writing.

--
Married to the pen,
and we're both having an affair
with the page.
:iconiampoetry:
You think this is one of my best?

--
Poetry is truly boundless. It is my passion, I am the canvas.
--
my poetry, lemon
both bitter and tart
you decide the taste of my art

©iampoetry
:iconblueskye27:
This is a lovely poem, Ashley - beautiful, fresh imagery. You should be satisfied. :aww:
:icongetyourgrip:
it is my favourite :)

--
Married to the pen,
and we're both having an affair
with the page.
:iconiampoetry:
Really? Is the punctuation placed pretty well?

--
Poetry is truly boundless. It is my passion, I am the canvas.
--
my poetry, lemon
both bitter and tart
you decide the taste of my art

©iampoetry
:iconiampoetry:
Well then, I am so happy! Thank you.

--
Poetry is truly boundless. It is my passion, I am the canvas.
--
my poetry, lemon
both bitter and tart
you decide the taste of my art

©iampoetry
:iconamertie:
We are the fist inside
held tight around our hearts;
alive.


i actually really love this one. :heart:

i think 'stabs' works better than ';pangs', but it still feels like it should be... a different word.
but no idea what.
:iconiampoetry:
I know, I'm thinking.....

--
Poetry is truly boundless. It is my passion, I am the canvas.
--
my poetry, lemon
both bitter and tart
you decide the taste of my art

©iampoetry
:iconyokopyro:
Stabs does seem a little too violent an image and pangs is funny looking out there by itself. Pardon the word bias talking. XD
hmm... frosts? laces? touches? scatters? breaks?
dunno if breaking the air is the image you want, but.
Or shatters, maybe?
<<throws ideas>>
I hope I was helpful.
I like this one a lot, too. ^^

--
Watermelons.
:+fav: With Love!!

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April 18
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